I was coaching in a company the other day with a woman who clearly had problems changing her behaviour, which was limiting her working relationships and hindering her promotion.  It was quite extraordinary how she seemed incapable of "putting herself in someone else's shoes".  She kept on saying 'it's just the way I am, people have to accept me'.  (Note the "I'm not taking responsibility for my self", tactic).  Albeit unconscious. 

After trying a few things, I remembered my acting skills (I am a professional actress for those who don't know), and I got her to just imagine what it would be like if she was acting in a way that served her better i.e. communicating effectively, without offending. Then I asked her to try to imagine someone she knows who is a good communicator and how they would do it.

As we were doing this exercise I was reminded of how closely linked some NLP exercises and strategies are to acting.  Basically using imagination and feelings to get a desired result. I think it would be fair to say, that most people have been in situations where they wished they could have modified their behaviour. 

A really useful strategy for doing just that involves using imagination, visualisation and feelings.  It's very simple and it works so well because the mind doesn't know the difference between a 'real' event and an imagined event.

You may find the following exercise very useful for generating new behaviour or something you would just like to modify.

1. Bring to mind now the behaviour you want to change. 
2. Once you have identified it, describe to yourself the behaviour you do want.
3. Ask yourself: 'How would I look and sound if I were doing that particular behaviour?'
4. In your imagination watch yourself doing the behaviour you want in the particular context you want it;  if there are other people involved, become aware of their response, notice how you LOOK and SOUND, how they look and sound.  (However, do not try to control their behaviour).
5. If there is any aspect that you are less than satisfied with, go back to number 4 and run through it again making whatever changes are necessary to make it more satisfying to you.
6. When you are satisfied with your own performance, step inside that image of yourself in in your imagination and run it through as though you are there, now, doing it.   So, in fact, you are actually 'being' it now.  As you go through the motions, pay particular attention both to your own feelings and to the response of any other people around you.
7. If you want to change anything go back to number 4 and change your own behaviour.  When you've done that, 'step' back in and check how it feels.
8. When you are happy with your imagined performance and the feelings that accompany it, ask yourself "What signal will I see, hear or feel, internally or externally, which will let me know that it is time to use his new behaviour?"
9. Imagine that signal happening and imagine yourself doing your new behaviour.  When you've done that, become aware of your feelings of satisfaction. 

This is a very simple self-help tool which, when practised regularly, becomes second nature, you can run it through automatically whenever you want to regenerate your behaviours.

TIP:  If you are having trouble seeing yourself doing this new behaviour, imagine a film character or someone out of a book, see them doing it first, this will help you to 'get into' the neural networks to spark your imagination.

Until next week Onwards and Upwards and behave yourself this week!

© 2004 Denise Bosque All Rights Reserved