118 - GO FOR GOLD

GO FOR GOLD

If you've been watching any of the Olympic sports on TV, and your anything like me, you may have found it very emotional. I'm not that keen on watching sports but I do love watching some of them, especially the rowing. I used to coach, for a short time, the Twickenham Rowing Team so it's quite special to watch GB go for and get that gold medal truly feel their elation. Lots of wet hankies around I can tell you. What is it about watching men and women push themselves to their limits that gives us, the onlookers, such a buzz, such respect.

I was wondering about this yesterday and I remembered someone once in the Olympics saying "it's better to do one's best, than focusing on being the best". Which, to me, re-inforces, being in the moment. Purely because if you concentrate on winning only, then you can't possibly be focused on your technique just 'doing it' being in the flow. Many athletes talk about the game 'playing them'. This is really being in the 'flow state', or Alpha. When I coached the rowing team, I used to talk a lot about concentrating on each stroke, the oar gliding through the water, stronger, better, smoother and more powerfully. Keeping focused on the process keeps you in the moment.

Then I began thinking about how great it would be if we took that mentality of 'going for gold' with all it entails, of being in the moment and fully focused and applying it to our relationships. Just really think about this for a moment.

Imagine a scenario, where your partner is very late home from work and hasn't called you. Your worry has turned into anger and resentment that he/she couldn't be bothered to give you a call. Chances are as soon as they walk through the door there will be an argument and blaming which will more than likely escalate to naming all the sins they've committed since the relationship began. Until you both feel unhappy and disconnected from each other.

A better way would be to actually focus and get very clear on what you feel and what needs are not being met. Maybe it's as simple as telling your partner 'please always call me if you are going to be more than 20 minutes late'. Maybe it's about you feeling alone or unimportant which is about a deeper issue in your life, but this incident highlights it so you take it out on him/her.

Whatever it is, if you decide to 'go for gold', then you would sit quietly with your feelings and become aware of what you really need, maybe even write them down. Then remember all the good things about your partner that you may have been taken for granted. Then when your partner comes in welcome him/her, then tell them that you were very worried and anxious about them and could you speak with them about it. Now, tell them that you love them and express how you feel in a compassionate and non blaming way e.g. "I feel upset and unimportant when you don't ring. What I really would like you to do is call me when you realise you are going to be late". Then allow them to take the time to think about and process what you have just said.

Whilst you are doing that if you really focus on them as you tell them and LISTEN with all of your mind and body to what they say back to you, you will probably remember all the reasons why you love this person. It will be much easier for you to access that state and take care of yourself and them. That's going for gold, that's when the outcome is the best you could possibly have.

Even if you do not get the desired result, even if they start accusing you, (chances are they won't if you handle it properly) you can be sure in the knowledge that you DID YOUR VERY BEST, that's all any Olympic champion can do. GO FOR GOLD in YOUR LIFE!

Until next week Onwards and Upwards and have a GOLDEN week!