Doing What You Want Before You Think You Can Do It!

When I help clients create their goals, there are many processes we go through before we get to a 100% congruent goal. They include Life Purpose, Values, Vision, Cognitive Work and Visualisation amongst many others.

The one thing that recurs the most is people's limiting beliefs, especially around getting out of their comfort zone.  For example, I once had a client who had a very clear goal and vision and it was achievable and she really wanted it. However, every time we met, I noticed she hadn't taken the next step toward this particular goal, even though we'd worked on her limiting beliefs around it.  When I asked her why she hadn't taken the next step she replied "I just haven't got the confidence yet".  This is so crucial and so common-place that I'd thought I'd mention it in today's tip.

If I could sum up the problem in once sentence it would be "I'm not the kind of person who could xxxx".  Well that's exactly right, because you've never done 'it' before so you aren't that kind of person yet!  In my experience most people do things back to front, they tend to think "Oh, when I've got more confidence, competence, etc, I'll do 'it'."  In fact, usually it's the other way round.  You do the 'thing' first and the get the confidence, and the more you do it the more confident you get!

I remember the first time I gave a talk I kept putting it off and putting it off, until I had more confidence, until I knew more, etc.  Eventually I had to 'jump in' and just do it and guess what, I didn't die!  The talk wasn't the best it could be, true, and there are a lot more people out there with more knowledge than me and more experience than me.  The point is, I wanted to do that talk, I wanted to share something, so in the end I just got over my doubts and 'shortcomings' and did it.

Tony Robbins, the famous American coach once said "The difference between me and most people is that most people think they have to acquire competence before they feel confident to do something. I decide to feel confident and that provides a sense of certainty to persist until I am competent".

When we decide to do something new or even something we've done in the past, the brain goes on a 'search' to find out past references and if it's something we did before and there was 'pain' attached to it, often the we will decide to avoid that pain and not do it, i.e. staying in comfort zone. No growth there then!  Similarly, if there aren't any references in our brain about the 'thing' we want to do, that can lead to uncertainty and if that's a feeling you are not comfortable with, you will avoid it too.

So can you see that your past experiences and your sense of identity can encourage or stilt your growth.

1. Now imagine something you would really like to do. Something that really rings your bell. 

2. Notice what comes up for you after the initial excitement.

3. Could you go out and do it now or as soon as possible? 

4. Is there anything that would prevent you from doing that?

5. Notice if it's a belief or fear, i.e. what if it all went wrong and I was rejected or laughed at. 

6. Now ask yourself: Could I and would I achieve this if I was fully confident and didn't care about rejection or getting it 'wrong' or whatever.

You can probably see how this links very much into your identity and past experiences. Also how it limits people from achieving many things.

Why not, as Anthony Robbins does, decide to get confident first, that means feel confident, then go out and do the thing you want do do, even if you make a complete xkji!? of yourself!  Play the rejection/fear first and get over it in advance and then have fun doing what you want.

Next week this is exactly what I'm going to do with one of my goals and I'll tell you now, I'm very nervous, it's something I haven't done before and I consider it a huge step in my personal growth even if it doesn't go according to plan.  Watch this space and I'll let you know more next week!

Until next week Onwards and Upwards and JUST DO IT!

© 2004 Denise Bosque All Rights Reserved