WEEKLY COACHING TIP #134
YOU, YOURSELF AND YOUR VALENTINE
Happy St Valentines Day. Whatever you think of today, whether its just another day or a piece of commercialism or a chance to flirt or show someone you care, it could also be an opportunity!
An opportunity to make someone feel special (even if its not reciprocated!)
Last night we were at our friends house where they were having a Valentines evening. It was really lovely to meet so many warm and genuine people from all sorts of backgrounds. As the night wore on, the host, our friend, suggested we go around the room and ask how the various couples met from both points of view. (Its amazing how people have selective memories that dont match up!)
Some of the things that struck me were how long people had been together, they ranged from 3yrs,11yrs, 2yrs and 31yrs! The other thing was how they actually met, some were by fluke, some through sheer persistence and pursuing (in one case a man pursued his, now, wife, for 2 years!) and some were through the Internet in different countries. But we all know that love has no rhyme or reason, you never know when its just going to come along!
I started to wonder, as we were doing this, how many of them loved themselves. I have to say I felt it was a question too bold to ask, considering Id just met most of them that evening, so I just kept on wondering and guessing by various things they said and did. But I will never know! So Im going to ask you something now.
- Think back to when you met your partner
How did you fall in love with him/her? What were the reasons?
Are they still the same reasons?
OR were you just looking for a way to get your needs met?
e.g. wanted a baby/didnt want to be alone/needed security, as opposed to really loving them.
(You can maybe see why I didnt want to go down this route last night!!)
- Now think about the most important person in your life Yes, thats right YOU!
How much do you love yourself?
Im not talking about just treating yourself to a massage or buying yourself a present because youre worth it.
Let me expand here...
When you are able to love in difficult situations, you love out of a higher or better part of yourself, this is very powerful. However, when you love out of fear i.e. to get what you want or to avoid something, then you do not love yourself.
For example, someone I know has grown up children and every time one of them rings up for babysitting, help of any kind, (sometimes very trivial) she feels she has to drop everything and go to her even if it means cancelling her own arrangements.
This is not loving self, its doing something to get love. She feels if she doesnt do it, even though she resents it greatly, that her children wont love her. Very common scenario.
When you truly love yourself, there is a respect for self, and you tend to get what you want easier in life, things tend to come to you. A good tip generally is whenever you are asked to do something that you dont want to and you say yes, you will immediately have, uncomfortable feelings. This is because you dont respect or love yourself enough to put your own life and needs first. Of course there are times when we all have to compromise, just not all the time!
So if you are not truly loving and respecting yourself what other areas of your life are you giving your power away?
Whats the trade off? Is it really what you want, to compromise yourself?
Look at areas where you may have given away your love for ulterior motives, albeit unconsciously sometimes.
Then ask yourself Could I love and respect myself more?
If so, how? What could I do/say?
Could I love for lovings sake?
i.e. love yourself because you can choose to, love others because you can choose to without compromising yourself.
Then just notice what comes your way. By doing this you will be reclaiming your power, if you can love yourself first, without guilt or beating yourself up, its much easier to love others for the right reasons. I guarantee you will at least feel more comfortable and happy in yourself.
So reclaim your power this Valentines Day by loving yourself and others, even if it means saying no sometimes!
SOME OF THIS WILL BE COVERED ON MY NEXT COURSE "STRETCH YOUR MIND, STRETCH YOUR BODY"
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