WEEKLY COACHING TIP #155

HOW TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION

Following on from last week’s tip on body language, today I’m going to talk about the psychological component of how we can be good communicators.

Think back to an important social occasion or interview, some encounter which was important to you.

What impression do you think you made on the other person(s)? Whatever it was, chances are, you were ‘assessed’ by them in less than 10 seconds!

When we meet someone for the first time we do an intuitive, half conscious body scan from head to toe, picking up all the non –verbal clues about this person.  Psychologists call it ‘THIN SLICING’. 

Our unconscious works faster than any computer and often it’s very accurate too.  Luckily, we often get a second chance to express ourselves ‘better’ if we messed up first time, but not always!

Malcom Gladwell, author of “Blink”, a book about thin slicing, says that … “when we meet someone for the first time we zero in on what really matters; it is the innate human ability to be able to get to the truth of someone or something in an instant.”

Even something as innocent as someone mentioning where they come from, is ‘loaded’, and if it’s a place we’ve been to or had a bad experience with, then it’s as if the brain shouts down to the first chakra, ‘Hey, do we have any info on Timbuktu’, if the answer is ‘yes’ and it wasn’t a great experience, we’re already in to ‘judgement’ mode.  However you might be able to override some of that depending on how evolved you are.  If the information coming back happens to be good, we go into a different stance and the person standing in front of you may have already ‘scored’ a point!

So what’s the low down on meeting people for the first time?

HOW TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION

The main points to remember are:

• Well first of all, you have to be yourself.  It’s absolutely no good whatsoever trying to be the life and soul of the party if you really are more of an observer.  So be your authentic self, talk but don’t feel you have to be bright and witty.

• People connect with the emotional side of the brain; they are not interested at this point about how clever you are.

• You have to get the focus off yourself and on to whomever you are talking to.  Be genuinely interested in them. If you have your focus mainly on you and ‘how am I doing’ you will appear uninterested in the person you are talking to. People with social phobias always do this and they have a very uncomfortable time because of it.

• If you really are interested in finding out more about them, even at a superficial level, this makes the other person feel good.  Ask questions, listen more don’t ‘spout’ on about yourself until you are asked and then keep it short unless they press you further.

• Open the conversation, if someone asks you a question such as ‘Where do you work?’ Don’t just say at the Widget Place and then stop.  Take it slightly further i.e. ‘At the Widget Place near xxxxx, you might have heard of it, they produce xxxxx’, etc.

• If you make the other person feel good, by being interested in them and possibly finding common ground, you’ve done the best job you can. 

• If you also use their type of dominant language (no, not that sort), you’ll score points too.  So for instance, if they are very visual and use words such as ‘see’, ‘looked like’, ‘viewed’, etc, then you sprinkle your conversation with them too. Auditory will use more words like; ‘hear’, ‘sounds like’, ‘rings of’.  A Kinaesthetic person will use words about feeling; ‘grasped’, ‘felt’, ‘light’, ‘heavy’, etc.  It’s important to realise we use all of these but in some contexts we will have a preference.  When we use similar words we sound like ‘their kind of person.’

• Remember that smiling works wonders on anyone!

BONUS TIP

You’ve heard of IQ, and probably of EQ which is the ‘softer’ skills which include self development, awareness, persistence, empathy and social deftness.  There is also MQ – MOOD QUOTIENT.  This is what you are showing by your emotional tone, facial expression and positivity levels. 

Here is a good thing to do before any encounter if you feel a bit nervous:

1. Sit down and focus on your breathing for a couple of minutes.
2. Begin to think of the situation you are going to be in.
3. Visualise it with as much detail as you can. 
4. Begin now, to see yourself, how you are standing or sitting, what are some of the things you might say, see yourself being interested and feeling confident, notice how your voice sounds. 
5. If anything in this ‘picture’ doesn’t feel right, then adjust it until it does. 

Remember you are mentally rehearsing how you want to be and feel.  The more you do it, the more you bring the right images and feelings into your body because the brain doesn’t know the difference between a real and an imagined event.

I would just like to say we are skimming the surface here, being a great communicator 1-1 or 1-1000 has many aspects to it, however, if you put this together with body language you can become a very effective communicator and get into rapport easily with most people.

I run seminars on Public Speaking and Communication Skills so if you’d like any further information either for yourself or your company then ring me on 0208 891 3479.

Have a wonderfully communicative week and practice on anyone and everyone to hone your skills.

Until next week Onwards and Upwards!