WEEKLY COACHING TIP #162

10 SECRETS FOR HAPPINESS

There was a programme on BBC2 called “Making Slough Happy”.  A collection of professionals from psychologists, entrepreneurs, writers and so on, got together to see if they could make the people of Slough happier than they already were! The basis of their experiment is The Happiness Manifesto

At one point, a member one of the team got a microphone and stood in the middle of a car park outside the shops, saying he wanted to give them all a free plant and the Secret of happiness if they would spare him 5 minutes of their time.

The response was either mild amusement or he was completely ignored; no one actually came to find out the Secret of Happiness or receive their free plant. Isn’t interesting watching the general public in action (or inaction).

I asked myself what is it about our culture that stops us to actually RUN to discover the secret of happiness if someone were to offer it!

Is it because people are generally cynical or think here’s another crank or are they somehow embarrassed to show interest? Or maybe it’s because nowadays, we are so bombarded by offers and adverts, that we have become desensitised.

However can you imagine the response of a small child when they saw someone shouting at them to come and get something for free and to discover how they can get Santa Claus to deliver them any present they want this Christmas?  They would probably run over immediately, they wouldn’t stop to analyse or judge the person offering this; they would just act spontaneously and be excited.

If I were now to say to you: “I have the Secret of Happiness, all you have to do is pick up the phone”, would you do it?”

Just notice what your attitude is to that…

And what if I told you something like “The secret to happiness is to live in the present and to really love yourself.”

I bet some of you might think “oh that, I already know that”, or “it’s not that simple”.  Well generally speaking, it actually is, it’s just that our minds don’t believe it. We are conditioned to believe that most things in life are difficult.

I have a friend, who is generally very positive but nonetheless, says regularly, “life is hard”, and her life is hard, this is her mantra.  We get what we think about. We do programme ourselves – 2 men in prison looking out of their cell window, one sees the bars the other sees the stars.  We make our own reality, no matter what is surrounding us.

Psychology of happiness

So what is happiness?  Is it a new car, a great relationship, money, work you love doing, or all of these things.  Whatever you are telling yourself will be your reality, but you can bet that as soon as you have that car, promotion, etc, the desire will wear off, and you will be left wanting something more.  Nothing wrong with that, we are here to create, however, if you can create what you want and be happy in the journey of the creation and then happy with manifestation of it, then that may be the Secret of Happiness, or one of them.

Happiness is like a muscle you have to use it a lot to get the results you want.  When people do my Teleclass “Live Your Dream from the Inside Out” (the next one will be February 2006), they are ‘trained’ to programme that ‘muscle’ from the inside out.  What most people don’t get is that happiness tends to come from external things such as the new car, etc, whereas joy, is generated from within. 

Now try this little exercise…

Test Your Beliefs

Which of the following factors do you believe happiness is related to?

1. Have high self-esteem (in individualistic countries)
2. Age
3. Be optimistic, outgoing, and agreeable
4. Gender (women are more often depressed, but also more often joyful)
5. Have close friendships or a satisfying marriage
6. Education levels
7. Have work and leisure that engage their skills
8. Parenthood (having children or not)
9. Have a meaningful religious faith
10. Physical attractiveness
11. Sleep well and exercise

Here are the results:

• Researchers have found that happy people tend to 1. 3. 5. 7. 9. 11.
• Happiness seems not much related to other factors

Source: DeNeve and Cooper (1998), Myers (1993, 2000), and Myers and Diener (1995, 1996).

So how high did you score?

Close-up: how to be happier?

Happiness, like cholesterol level, is a genetically influenced trait. Yet as cholesterol is also influenced by diet and exercise, so our happiness is to some extent under our personal control. Here are some research-based suggestions for improving your mood and increasing your satisfaction with life.

Source: David G. Myers, The Pursuit of Happiness (Avon Books)

1. Realize that enduring happiness doesn't come from financial success. People adapt to changing circumstances—even to wealth or a disability. Thus wealth is like health: Its utter absence breeds misery, but having it (or any circumstance we long for) doesn't guarantee happiness.
2. Take control of your time. Happy people feel in control of their lives, often aided by mastering their use of time. It helps to set goals and break them into daily aims. Although we often overestimate how much we will accomplish in any given day (leaving us frustrated), we generally underestimate how much we can accomplish in a year, given just a little progress every day.
3. Act happy. We can sometimes act ourselves into a frame of mind. Manipulated into a smiling expression, people feel better; when they scowl, the whole world seems to scowl back. So put on a happy face. Talk as if you feel positive self-esteem, are optimistic, and are outgoing. Going through the motions can trigger the emotions.
4. Seek work and leisure that engages your skills. Happy people often are in a zone called "flow"—absorbed in a task that challenges them without overwhelming them. The most expensive forms of leisure (sitting on a yacht) often provide less flow experience than gardening, socializing, or craft work.
5. Join the "movement" movement. An avalanche of research reveals that aerobic exercise not only promotes health and energy, it also is an antidote for mild depression and anxiety. Sound minds reside in sound bodies. Off your duffs, couch potatoes.
6. Give your body the sleep it wants. Happy people live active vigorous lives yet reserve time for renewing sleep and solitude. Many people suffer from sleep debt, with resulting fatigue, diminished alertness, and gloomy moods.
7. Give priority to close relationships. Intimate friendships with those who care deeply about you can help you weather difficult times. Confiding is good for soul and body. Resolve to nurture your closest relationships: to not take those closest to you for granted, to display to them the sort of kindness that you display to others, to affirm them, to play together and share together.
8. Focus beyond self. Reach out to those in need. Happiness increases helpfulness (those who feel good do good). But doing good also makes one feel good.
9. Be grateful. People who keep a gratitude journal—who pause each day to reflect on some positive aspect of their lives (their health, friends, family, freedom, education, senses, natural surroundings, and so on.) experience heightened well-being.
10. Nurture your spiritual self. For many people, faith provides a support community, a reason to focus beyond self, and a sense of purpose and hope. Study after study finds that actively religious people are happier and that they cope better with crises.

Have a very happy and JOYOUS week!

© 2005 INSPIRIT & Denise Bosque All Rights Reserved