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WEEKLY COACHING TIP #164 WCT Archive HOW TO SURVIVE CHRISTMAS! Did you know that January time is one of the busiest times for solicitors dealing in family law i.e. divorce? I was shocked some years ago when my friend solicitor told me this. When I asked why, she replied, Well think about it, if you are not really getting on with your spouse and then you are suddenly thrust together and having to spend more time with them, it can really force you to look at the things you dislike about each other... In our everyday lives we have to get on just doing all our busyness , so theres no time to look at the relationship. More accurately, people dont really wish to make time as it would be like taking the lid off a can, of not very nice worms; far better to just keep on doing what you always done: dont rock the boat. If youve ever been on holiday you may have seen this thrusting together scenario. Have you ever been next to a married couple in a restaurant who have nothing, I mean absolutely NOTHING to say to each other, and they dont look like they even enjoy the silence? So Christmas is coming and what are your thoughts about spending time with your spouse or closest family? Dread, excitement, happiness, stress? Maybe its a mixture of all of these things. If you are feeling less than positive about it, how about taking a completely different tack this time. For instance, if you and your partner are going through a bad patch, or if you have family members that youd rather cut your tongue off than to have to try and get on with, why not choose to feel really good about these people and the Yuletide period. After all, if you have to be with them, why not make the most of it and be really BIG about it. I mean really work from your heart and be the best you can as a human being, the worst that can happen is that things remain the same, more likely though, you will probably find because you are being kinder that you may get some of that back and you will definitely feel better whatever happens. So here are some tips to feel kinder, warmer, stress free and big hearted this Christmas with your partner. (These tips apply to family members and relatives just the same, use your imagination!) 1 When someone wants to do one thing and you want to do another, forget getting into power struggles, just keep in mind that it is a difference of opinion, thats all and if you are willing to do what they want, next time you can gently remind them of that and say what you would prefer to do now. 2 If you know certain things upset your partner avoid doing them if possible. 3 Avoid criticism even if s/he burnt the turkey after you warned them not to turn the oven up that high. Take a breath and just say something like thats a shame, but never mind well salvage what we can. When we do something wrong and we ignored the advice we were given, it often puts us on the defensive. It can be hugely refreshing and a relief when someone doesnt go on the attack and instead just makes light of it. It brings up gratitude in people. This can be a stretch, I know, when all you really want to do is hit them over the head with the pan! But try 4 Work out what you partner/family member really likes and then try to do that particular thing. It makes us feel special when people give us extra attention, we feel loved. 5 Try to see the fun in every challenging situation. So even if your spouse, sister, whomever is being their usual obnoxious self, just stand back for a moment and take that label away and change it to something else that feels more compassionate and or empowering for you. In other words you dont get defensive or get into an argument, you just accept that this is their way of being right now and you dont have to agree with them, you can just let it go. 6 Take time out just for you. Its not necessary or even healthy to spend many hours with people where there can be tension. Take a walk, dont overeat or over drink even thought its Christmas. 7 Share the Christmas tasks (but dont become a martyr). Do it for joy. 8 Be encouraging and if you can spend more time with children and join in their fun all the better. 9 Forgive everyone in advance just for this period for all their wrongdoings, insensitivities, etc. 10 Wake up on Christmas Day and give yourself a mantra or word that you will remind yourself of throughout the day or indeed the holiday period. Make it empowering for you ie. Im going to have as much fun today no matter what, or I wonder how much I can enjoy being relaxed even when xxxx visits. Visualise you being like that, get it into your body and then be it! Life is short, why not make it a beautiful period for the sake of everyone, more peace, more love, more forgiveness, more fun. Start practicing now! Until next week Onwards and Upwards! 2005 INSPIRIT & Denise Bosque All Rights Reserved Related Tips 161 - 9 THINGS TO TELL YOUR LOVER |
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