WEEKLY COACHING TIP #171                                                                                                                            

LOVEWELLNESS

Have you ever been in love?  Do you remember the first few months, the passion, excitement, the elevated mood?  These are such wonderful feelings no wonder people say ‘love is a drug’.  It’s interesting to note that chemicals are released from our brains which show a very positive effect on people’s mood when we are in love. In one study researchers used 17 love-struck patients and showed them pictures of their sweethearts while an MRI machine captured images of their brains.  The researchers found that the bit of the brain that most stood out was the one connected to pleasure and rewards, just like when we really fancy something sweet or we think positively about money.  After this initial phase, if it’s a good relationship it passes into, something which is called attachment.  In the ‘bad’ relationships, however, lovesickness is a real problem and is actually being recognized as a condition which needs to be treated.  Hopefully not with antidepressants though!

In one study, ending a relationship had a negative effect on mental health and was particularly hard on women.  This kind of stress may be even worse for the physical body than stress from non-emotional events, even though they evoke the same types of responses.  There was also another study where female heart patients facing severe stress from marriage difficulties were found to have 3 times the risk of heart attack as peers without such stresses, though the pressure women felt from work-related issues did not have the same effect. 

I think we all know by now what the studies have shown, that when people feel loved or give love they: live longer, feel happier, have better health, make more money and are less prone to depression, is true.  It’s not rocket science!

Occasionally, I come across clients who are not in a relationship and don’t particularly feel loved by anyone.  Quite often, they don’t truly give love either, although they can’t always see it.  I think that an aspect of love, is genuine generosity.  What I mean by that, is generosity that is not merely about giving, or giving out of fear, self gratification, self esteem or to look good; because this sort of generosity has a different intention behind it. Usually there is an expectation and when you give expecting something in return, boy, could you be in for some disappointment.  It is the intention that matters.

It really does come down to the old wisdom ‘if you want something, first you have to give it’.  If you want more love, GIVE IT!  There are many types of love, sexual love, love of a parent, child, etc.  However, the love that really matters so that you have more love in your life and it’s a win for everyone, is SELF LOVE. You first have to love yourself and be able to receive love before you can give it.  This can be quite difficult for some people and can require help in this area.  It is really worth it though!

The other love, is when you give of your self towards someone else regardless of how attractive or influential they are, or how good or bad they make you feel, you just give because you genuinely want to, to reach out to them, maybe to help them in some way, it is both self less and compassionate at the same time.

Think about it, what if someone you knew very well or even hardly at all, showed you self-less love, with no ulterior motive, just because they wanted to, how that would make you feel?  Would it not surprise you, make you feel good, cared for, elevate you, give you an insight, and trust more in humanity, just because someone showed you love with no expectation. 

I’m reminded of a conversation I had the other night with a friend.  She was talking about being single for 4 years and being careful …”after all when you’ve been hurt once, you put the guard up don’t you?”, she said.  I asked her what would happen if she put her guard down, she replied, “oh, I couldn’t do that, I mean, you never know, you have to protect yourself!”  I then asked did she want to have love in her life, to which she replied she did.  “So what happens when you keep a guard up, keep people out, how do you ever expect to meet anyone, far less, be aware if they were offering love?”  To which she replied “mmm…”. In the end we all make our own prisons. Somehow though, we don’t take responsibility, we just hope that people will come along and love us!  The knight in shining amour, the beautiful princess.

So whether you feel you have lots of love in your life and give lots of it or not, why not give more?  Maybe when you are faced with a difficult person that would normally press your buttons or if someone is being really out of order, just take a step back and see them, really see them, and you will realise that they are only, in that moment coming from fear. Give them more love, be your bigger, higher self, just so you can help them in some way, whether or not it is appreciated.  Do it because you can, because you want to, that’s all!

So instead of being lovesick let’s be love ‘well’.  What have you got to lose?  Onwards and Upwards and have a “lovewell” week.

© 2006 INSPIRIT & Denise Bosque All Rights Reserved

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