WEEKLY COACHING TIP #189                                                                                             

TOP 7 TIPS ON  ASSERTIVENESS

Being a doormat isn’t a great way to be in life, either for oneself or other people.  Yet there are many thousands of people who lack inner confidence and will just allow people to ‘bully’ them, be it subtle or full on.  Some of these people may even appear to be confident from the outside, but actually deep down they are very unconfident and often feel insecure in certain situations. This can often lead to being a ‘doormat’, which further lowers their self worth.  

Assertiveness training can be really helpful in changing people’s behaviour to feeling more in control and therefore more confident.   All humans have the right to be assertive, which means, that people have the right to express their feelings, needs and wants clearly.  This doesn’t always mean you will get what you want but it ensures that you are not left with ‘unfinished business’ and that relational behaviour is adult and mature.  We should be aiming for a ‘win/win’ situation.

There are, generally speaking, 3 types of behaviour, Passive, Aggressive and Assertive.  Basically dealing with passive behaviour can make others feel:

§         Aggressive, people may shun someone who gives in again and again to their wishes.

§         Irritated, they wish you’d stand up for yourself and make your own decisions.

§         Withdrawn, they avoid you because your negative attitude makes it difficult for them to maintain their own positive attitude.

§         Superior, they lose respect for you as a person, because you aren’t willing to stand up for what you believe in.

§         Tired, they waste valuable energy dealing with their negative reactions to you.

Here are a few tips on being assertive:

1        Ask for what you want, be direct and open

2        Do it appropriately, without undue anxiety

3        Your body language should be relaxed, posture upright

4        Make direct eye contact

5        Facial expression should be responsive

6        Hands relaxed and voice confident

7        You do not violate other people’s rights or freeze up with anxiety

Assertiveness makes people feel confident.  It suggests an understanding of the situation and knowledge of what is wanted.  It reinforces the message.  So no excuses now, don’t be a doormat you have a human right to stand up for what you want without being aggressive or worried, just assertive.  So go out there and do it!

Onwards and Upwards, assert yourself!